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I am 62 and it may be simplistic thinking but it has served me well all my life; basically I looked to nature for my guidance. In terms of thinking about this rationally when I became pregnant at 20 I looked at things from the point of view of knowing I was born at home, with little fanfare and just the local Midwife. So I approached my pregnancy and birth with The unconscious messaging that birth is easy, and for me it was. Perhaps it’s luck but since I trained as a midwife, I have witnessed women overcome physical risks through sheer Will And belief and know that it is much more. so when I was approaching menopause in my 40s and basically all hell let loose, I went with it. I was gone 50 before my periods ceased for that magical year but all I did and this is a big all, was changed my lifestyle and live in a more healthy way. Now I look at of course the gender ideology movement and how that captures children before puberty and their parents not to mention the medical profession. If you look at all of this it points towards not trusting nature but adopting what I see more and more as the trans human, ideology and here at @JenniferBilek is a good place to go, but as you say Milli it is a case of follow the money. At every juncture of natural change in human physical life we are being directed to medicalisation whether it is puberty, pregnancy birth, menopause it all two drugs, dependence and lack of self belief let alone belief in nature and the millennia of success the human body has lived. I asked the question constantly why people are prepared to trust strangers and business and governments when our bodies give us information our friends and family give us information not necessarily in terms of mother daughter elders but what we observe and experience. And my observations and experience have shown me that we may not always like it but nature as a whole does things better than when we mess around. But the biggest thing that I see is how it is women and girls who are impacted with these ideologies negatively more than men simple as that and we have to ask ourselves why.

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this is the kind of nuanced wisdom we need Lynn! truth bombs dropped liberally in the above!!

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Western medicine is created by and for men. “Brats and twats” (this is the medical slang for gynaecology and obstetrics) are an inconvenient and disrespected add-on. Of course women turn to traditional medicines that are at least created with their needs foremost and many of them work. To expect women to continue to use a medical system that has treated their concerns as an annoying inconvenience is illogical and absurd. I used homeopathy that worked a treat, and being on the other side of menopause is fabulous.

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"To expect women to continue to use a medical system that has treated their concerns as an annoying inconvenience is illogical and absurd." So true.

Reminds me of when pregnant women didn't want the covid vaccine. RCOG were dismayed - but these are the same people who had been telling women not to have one glass of wine or a runny egg so why were they surprised??!!

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

And indeed the same ones telling us all about 'pregnant people' . Of course most people don't know about the capture of their public-facing communications, but it reflects the same haughty, bossy, top-down attitude. Their advice over the years about 'what is safe in pregnancy?' has been woeful.

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Brats or breasts??

Both?

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Brats and Twats, i.e babies and vaginas. The delightful Adam Kay uses it in his misogyny manual, This is going to hurt. :-(

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Oct 4Liked by Milli Hill

Yet Adam Kay and the BBC think his book is funny, and so did a lot of the series viewers. A bit like their celebration of woman-face, when their 1960s Black and White Minstrel Show is now seen as the epitome of evil. Misogyny - the hatred of women, half the human race - is the one prejudice that it is still acceptable to have.

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Yes and I've got it in the neck in the past for saying it isn't funny. What a killjoy I am LOL.

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Thanks for writing this Mili. Have been feeling these things acutely lately As I’m on medication post breast cancer which was described by one of my consultants as like ‘having a second menopause’. (I’d already been through first starting aged 47). The side effects have been uncomfortable but getting any help with them has been impossible. I read Louise newsons paper (part of a paper) on women who are having post breast cancer support, oestrogen suppressing medication and felt from her that at least someone was talking about it. My GP referred me to the Menopause Clinic, an 8 month wait… but I’m sceptical that they’ll have anything to say that’s relevant to a woman on oestrogen suppressing medication that will be any different from what the consultants have said to me at Guys. Which is basically we do not recommend you have topical oestrogen and if you do you need to be aware of the risks, despite there being no research or evidence of what those risks are. It feels like a minefield and I’m paralysed by fear because of the way they talk about it.

Louise Newson seemed (seems) so positive in contrast, but because of the recent media I now feel afraid of that too.

So yes… confusion, lack of evidence, fear, disregard for women in this situation, or women at all… and months and months of waiting just to get an appointment. None of this is good. I’ve not watched panorama as I’m fearful of watching that too. 🙄

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really sorry to hear that Abi. This is SO wrong that you are not able to get the help and support you need...or trust it when you get it.

Have you tried diet changes? I'm not saying that's a fix but it could help. xx

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Currently obsessed with not eating ultra processed food as it happens! 😅😂

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Looking forward to your book

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Well I hope the UPF thing is helping!! Also try phytoestrogens eg flax seed. I think they help me but who knows it's a wisdom vacuum round here! xx

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

I remember that my period started during the time my mom was going through menopause. I lost my mom a couple of years back to cancer and so all the knowledge I can get I'll need to have from my aunties. This is something I hadn't really realised – that I might talk more about this with the women in my family. Loosing my mom really shone light on our extended family and how we communicate and support each other through hardships. And I have wonderful family members! Thank you for planting this thought about how do we know what we know and why do we believe one thing over another.

PS. I'm writing from Latvia where esoteric and magical thinking has a rave party in a big part of society and it's a huuuge business for some people. Some journalists reported this in a documentary series (I haven't got to it yet, but I shiuld) Thus I think it's really about that balance of psychological and medical (healing?) help that people seek and thus try to fill the vacuum.

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thanks for your thoughts. sorry you lost your mom. xxx

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Oct 3·edited Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Hello, I haven't seen the recent Panorama. I probably should but I feel I have immersed myself in so much conflicting, confusing and inaccurate HRT info it would send me into another level of rage about the whole thing. I am in perimenopause and symptoms hit me hard. I ended spending thousands of pounds at private clinics - they all made me much worse with their prescriptions. Oestrogen being hailed the saviour of all symptoms. Not true for me and many others, especially when you are in perimenopause and its your progesterone plummeting at the rate of knots . As has always been the case with my health (quite why I expected anything differently with HRT, I don't know!), I did the extensive research I needed to and put the pieces of a very complex jigsaw together. I had to really go off into the weeds. Newsflash - it's not just oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone that are relevant in perimenopause and menopause. Like everything in health - we have to address the system not just look at elements of it in isolation! It's so simplistic and ridiculous to just focus on these hormones. It's lazy actually. FFS. And they are profiting. Which is probably why I feel so offended when I think about it too much.

For anyone in perimenopause wondering what I am doing for myself that has been helpful - I am happy to share. Warning. Your Dr won't like it!

I have enjoyed reading everyone's comments here! Sorry if this is a bit of a moan but honestly, it just feels so backward.

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That is such an interesting perspective Lucy! Have you written more about this anywhere? xx

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Not yet. I still have my head in my PGP book 🤪. I would like to though. The whole piece around what happens in perimenopause and menopause is more complex than women realise and I think that the medical community who treat women and prescribe HRT are being avoidant but not necessarily because they are unaware of the complexities but because when you get down to it, to unravel what is going on for each individual is expensive. The expression “Assess don’t guess” is very appropriate but blood tests and urine tests hit the wallet pretty hard. The NHS can’t afford that and private clinics don’t want it to be a part of the process because the cost would put women off. Plus if endocrinology isn’t their expertise they don’t want to look at too many parts of your system including hormone function (e.g thyroid and adrenals) or blood markers (ferritin, cholesterol etc) because they may not know how it connects to any other hormone tests they have done (that has been my experience anyway). So they offer a generic approach and keep fingers their crossed that it works.

I see I have gone off on one again. It’s probably a good idea to write about it somewhere :)

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Yes do! xx

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I haven't seen the programme, but thanks for raising the topic, Milli.

My periods stopped at 47 and for several years afterwards I managed okay by eating healthily, exercising, avoiding what made symptoms worst (alcohol). But over time I really began to notice the oestrogen drop and felt depleted: physical dryness, plus foggy brain. At that point I talked to the nurse at my local GP practice and tried combined HRT patches, which have suited me really well and alleviated the symptoms, so I've stuck with it.

There's no one-size-fits-all about it, I know.

Looking forward to your book on ultra-processed foods.

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Thanks, maybe that will be me.

It's annoying about the alcohol thing, isn't it?! Another unfair card we are dealt ;-) xx

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

Just want to say that I felt like the COVID vaccine did weird things to my periods too.

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REALLY odd isn't it. And not talked about all that much (although there have been a few news articles and bits of research but...what now? It's like they've decided it doesn't matter? Or am I being unfair.)

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Oct 3Liked by Milli Hill

I absolutely agree with you about it all . My periods stopped abruptly 8 years ago and nothing since . And no physical symptoms . I have been in therapy for many years being supported with stresses in life and felt this help with managing the emotional load has been priceless . I have brain fog at times and memory a bit rubbish . I know that my gp has offered me anti depressants when I asked about hrt and another friend was very grateful to dr newsome for her support with hrt when gp refused . After 1 payment dr newsome sent care back to the gp and my friend who has a lot going on feels loads better for it .

I haven’t looked at hrt for myself as I’m not clear what I need and what will help my future health .

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I do think all women our age should have therapy! There was a real outcry when it was suggested women in menopause should get counselling if I remember rightly? But god I think that's a brilliant idea!! But yes it's so hard to get info. xx

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Great sub and comments. My two cents on menopause: I was bleeding buckets, total bed flooding, for weeks on end then long dry patches (bloodless periods) from my mid forties on, while dealing with most of the issues you listed, especially tricky teens (now estranged YAs). At 52 I went on HRT with oestrogen patches and a progesterone Marina, all sanctioned, but not pushed, by my female doctor whom I trusted, though she had not used HRT herself and is 8yrs older than me. Before that I had been taking progesterone pills to stem the blood (iron) loss but was alarmed by all the potential side-effects listed, including 'probable dementia'. The Marina was less risky, apparently, as it went straight to the source. But it was only supposed to be in for five years so when that date came up last year I had it removed and stopped using the patches, only to find, at the age of 57, all the bleeding started again. So at 58 I'm back on progesterone pills and oestrogen patches. Not demented yet (although some would argue that), but I guess we shall see. I too have researched extensively and written about women's health in recent years, with a focus on diet, exercise and weight ('The Fatter Sex: A Battle Plan for Women's Weight Health and Humour', 2024), and can confirm that BMI matters as does regular weight-bearing, heart-pumping exercise for bone strength, muscle-building - which increases the metabolic rate - and heart health, especially in middle-age to ward against breast cancer and other age and weight-related cancers for women. I might just add a comment in reply to one made here about men suffering more than women with all these listed issues, with the proof being in their higher suicide rate. The higher male suicide rate does not prove men are suffering more at society's hands than women are, a claim so often made I am sick to death of it. From what I have read, female people have a higher attempted suicide rate than male people do, but using sleeping tablets more than the guns that men much more often have access to and use, these attempts are less often 'successful'. Also the greatest difference between male and female successful suicide rates is in the 80+ age range, a difference that likely suggests men have less endurance for the serious life challenges that turn up at that age than women do, and or are less attached to grandchildren, etc. It doesn't mean life has been less fair to men or society has let them down more. Life IS hard for everyone, no doubt. But women's reproductive role, without a doubt, adds additional physical and mental health challenges at all stages of life.

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Thanks, wow what a menopause journey you have been on.

Your book looks great! I hope to have more time to read soon!

Thanks for your thoughts about the men versus women thing, as I've said to the commenter, I wasn't implying men didn't have those same issues. Just that they were not going to be offered HRT when they were feeling shit about them!!

xxx

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Yes, it is not helpful to add 'What about men's suffering?', a lament one too often hears these days as it is, and in a discussion on menopause, for heaven's sake. I'm looking forward to reading your book too. And thanks again for the great sub, tough though the subject matter definitely is. Sacha, XX

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A comment on lists, nice summary:

But, My take:

"For starters, there are often one or more of the following things happening in their life around this time in their forties:

* Non-issue: Relationship difficulties

* Issue: Financial worries about both present and future

* Issue: Dissatisfaction with career path and realisation it's too late for some (not all) changes

* Issue: Elderly or unwell parents

* Issue: Bereavement

* Issue: Health issues eg cancer scares

* Non-issue: Parenting struggles eg with teens

* Issue: Changing faces and bodies

* Issue: Feeling invisible

* Sure: Angry at the treatment of women / misogyny / male violence / patriarchy - or, try being gay with almost 100% of your long-term peer relationships gone because of HIV

* Issue: Having a huge load of responsibilities each day

Women experiencing some or all of the above will feel stressed, exhausted, depressed, anxious..."

Just a check-in these are human conditions, not particularly female conditions. It mqy be surprising, but they actually affect men much more than women.

For every woman who can't take it anymore and dies by suicide, 4 men die after 45, 5 after 65, 10 after 75.

To say women are neglected in health care - based on death despair outcomes past age 40 or so - does beg for a word for the condition of men - negative healthcare?

Don't take my word for it.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide

Perhaps there's something else going on besides HRT treatable menopause? I'm not sure the independent variable is sex or sex hormones.

I'm all for keeping the body at the hormonal context you like, it certainly feels better. But it doesn't change your age or the issues. Blaming "male-centric" healthcare is demonstrably a dead-end

So to speak

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Oct 4·edited Oct 4Author

Thanks for your thoughts but I didn't say that any of these issues don't affect men. I just said that when they affect women, we are (sometimes) given HRT for them.

To build on what Terf Vibes says above: While more men than women die by suicide, twice as many women than men attempt it.

Women ARE sidelined and neglected in both health care and research, this is well documented.

xx

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