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Grace Under Fire's avatar

Well, I'm sixty-three and had my menopause at forty-two, so I'm kind of used to it, and I must say that I like it. I can still turn heads and be complimented by strangers on the street as I was today when I wear something striking and it's nice but I don't actually *care*, I just like to look nice according to my own standards. My face is wrinkly as I am somewhat political and refuse to buy expensive creams although I do use a cheap moisturiser once a day. But actually, I haven't found that the world treats me very differently. I get offered seats on a crowded train (very nice, thank you), but I think possibly because I don't have the fuck-giving capacities any more I am actually heard and taken account of more than pre-menopausally, not less, by both family and friends, and strangers. So that puts a spanner in the theory, to mix my metaphors somewhat.

I also think, Milli, if you will forgive me, that the "real" photos of you look more "real" in a more profound sense than simply looking fuckable. You look like someone who knows how to live, who might say something really worth listening to (which you actually do), and who knows how and when to listen to others (to me!!!). That is very attractive, not sexually, but as a person to a person.

For sure the patriarchal world we live in, which over-values fuckability in women especially and runs as fast as it can from wisdom, will not value your older womanly self. But do you really care? Do you want to continue to be commodified, because that's all it really is. I would bet the woman of forty-nine-and-holding is more of a woman than the twenty-five year old version, and I'll also bet, knowing you from your writing, that the man you married really thinks so too.

Happy Birthday!

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Milli Hill's avatar

What a gorgeous comment thank you. Lots of wisdom. I will read and re-read it ❤️

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Sam Fraser's avatar

I love this quote from Julie Burchill: "It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast."  

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Milli Hill's avatar

Haha yes very well put 👏

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Julie's avatar

Happy Birthday, Milli, and you look fab!

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Milli Hill's avatar

Thanks you 😘

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She Rites's avatar

I keep saying it… but for me each decade has been better than the previous one - I’m also married to a ‘sigma’ male… (worth looking up) he really does love me aging - coincidentally I have this week written a bit about my perimenopausal years in my Substack albeit concentrating on clothes - https://open.substack.com/pub/selkiewrite/p/sartorial-desert-island-discs-807?r=qmm2k&utm_medium=ios

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Milli Hill's avatar

bookmarking this to read! xx

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Ruth S.'s avatar

Happy birthday, Milli 💐 The best is yet to come! (Says 70 yo me)

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Milli Hill's avatar

Thanks that's good to know! And happy 70!

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Sharon Breward's avatar

Penblwydd Hapus Milli!🥳 I’m 12 yrs ahead of ya sunshine - post menopausal & enjoying the ‘crone age’!

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Milli Hill's avatar

Haha crone age love it xxx

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Tim Bishop's avatar

Beautifully written, Milli, a wonderful piece. I concur and love the conclusions you’ve come to, and agree with others above when I say your “real” photos are the ones I’m drawn to most. You look gorgeous and very real, and it certainly feels very special to know you today just as I did 30 years ago. To me there are no changes to the things that matter. Happy Birthday luvvie 💙💫

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Milli Hill's avatar

This is such a lovely comment. Brought a tear to my eye old friend. Thank you xx

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Rachel Hattersley's avatar

Happy birthday for the other day, Milli, hope you’ve had a splendid time celebrating 🥂! Thanks for this really thoughtful piece, at almost 53 you’ve renewed my determination to resist “tweakments” and given me food for thought as always x

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Milli Hill's avatar

Oh that's nice to know. Always feels like that's the main point of writing, especially the over-sharing kind! xx

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Jo B's avatar

Happy Birthday Milli. Welcome to the fuckit fifties! It’s very much how I feel, and that thing about probably having less time than we’ve already had somehow focuses me more on what makes me happy and what doesn’t !! Combined with a sudden “fuck that” attitude, it’s a huge and welcome shift for me (maybe less so for others?!)

As a lifelong people pleaser I’m enjoying reclaiming my opinions and choices. I try not to be unkind but really, I am giving no more fucks about other people’s opinions about me or what I’m doing. Just that on its own feels huge. Enjoy the ride!

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